limits

i think i should move

hollywood

don't think too much

internal combustion

i can't put how i'm feeling into words

i think i need more alone time, and not alone time doing work. but at the same time i feel reluctant not to lead the life that i normally would, for fear for my friendships, and for my sanity. everyday i feel like i'm about to explode, because of all the things i want to say. and because of the way i have to act in front of everyone. it's been just over a week and i must admit, sometimes it feels kinda surreal, and not in a good way either.

i think what i wanna say right now is that, i listen all the time. i ask, i hear you out, and i try my best to offer whatever comfort i can in my current state of mind.

but, who listens to me?

i really, really, need to be alone.

my beautiful rescue

for a single moment i want to feel like the universe isn't about to crush me and my heart isn't about to explode.

i would kiss you and tell you i love you and ask you please not to go.

16

So I wonder what I'll be doing
On what would have been our sixteenth.

butt cheeks

i feel geuuuudddddd

for now

so far so bad

it kinda sucked how i was completely forgotten

miserable at best

life's unpredictable, putting you through hardships when you least expect it.

the best thing you can do is to suck it up and take it like a man, and try to turn it around.

now, if only it were that easy.

im friggin cold.

yay kill me

so here it is

i feel rather lost at the moment.

but i put up a strong front in front of everyone

because i don't want, or need, the pity.

i just need time (or maybe something else).

letters to you,

i write in despair.

oh dear,

what a nightmare.

p.s. hi Rowena

bleed

Am I the cause of my own demise?

6

sorry doesn't cut it.

but then again, who's blaming you?

the fuck man, seriously

i promise never to let such a thought enter my mind again. ever.

cake

oh god, the irony of it all.....

love is nothing without sacrifice

I keep spacing out every other second it's almost funny. Almost

lm

I'm not asking for anything else in return
but maybe just to know that
I will be missed too

strawberry-rainbowship

word got out and i just found out

someone i used to be close to just passed on.

disbelief became anxiety, anxiety to find out the truth

and confirmation only brought about sadness, and a bigger wave of regret and contemplation.

'What happened to you, dear Mel?', were the first thoughts on my mind.

never once would i have even come to think that you would do such a thing.

never once did i spot the sadness you held in your eyes, with the little opportunities i had

and my next thought sent my mind into a whirl, 'What COULD have happened?'.

so then i went on, searching, in hopes, though the slimmest, for any trace of what we used to have.

and what i found only intensified the regret i felt within me.

thinking back, i couldn't help feeling that somehow, i could have made a difference.

a difference in existence. a difference in the life of not only one person, but possibly to hundreds.

im not saying that i should have, because im perfectly delighted with where i am now.

but the thought that i could just didn't leave my mind.

so, to Mel, wherever you are now, im sure you're fine. it's sad things had to end this way, hell, it's sad we had to end the way we did. but whatever it is, im sure that whatever you've gone through, you've left it for a better place, and for that im glad. i will always remember your sweet smile, the poems we used to share, the times we spent together. i know it's a little late to say this (and we only ever say this when something's gone) my only regret was not putting in effort into making the friendship we had last.

B, as how the brightest star, you shine

R, is my little request to always have your time

Entertainment. That's what you are but I know there's so much more

N, is our nonsensical conversations, it gets better than before

D, is all the days with you I still want to spend

O, is for outshining & that's exactly where you stand, friend

N, is how i'm never going to say goodbye

R.I.P, Mel.

death?

what im seeing, reading

it's worrying.

hustle

why the face sad eyes?

breathe

damn all that negativity.
i really love all the empty promises i make about using this space more often haha